She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
What drink are we having for lunch?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
