We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
