I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
