If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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