She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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