Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
