I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
