i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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