I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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