well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
