Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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