i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
