We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It's shark week go big or go home
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
