Tell her she can't have a vagina
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
