I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
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At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
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Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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