yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
