do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
