i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
