I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
