textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
