i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
