I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
