I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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