Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
