I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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