Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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