At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
