I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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