so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
