If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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