In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
