dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
