I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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