I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You pole danced in your parka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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