sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
