I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
