i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
