i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
