What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
