wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
