My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
