he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
