Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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