and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
