I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
