Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
