I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
