I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
you made out with another girl for some wings
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
