I must be too annoying 4 u.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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