I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
