Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
