omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize