Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Duck Duck Cougar?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
