went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
