I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
