just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
