How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
