I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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