Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
