What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize