Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
