You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
