I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
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He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
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stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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