I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
