Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
